A Little Slice of Terrible Blogging

I LOVE pizza almost as much as I love coffee. I know this already sounds like a cheesy blog topic (pun!), since almost everyone loves pizza and I can’t possibly express some unique, unmatched affection for those big, topping-piled slices of heaven, but I’m doing it anyway.

Mind you, I’ll eat any pizza. If I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to cook, I’ll order delivery from a chain pizza joint without a second thought. But these places aren’t the same as they once were—that or my taste buds have become more sophisticated, or less tolerant, as I’ve gotten older.

In the city where I live, I’ve tried out dozens of pizza places—thanks UberEats! I think I’ve narrowed my favorites down to three locations. I’m not going to name them, because anonymity and anxiety, but I’ll describe them.

The first is a New York-style pizza sold by the slice or as a whole pie. The crust is thin but flexible and the slices are enormous, so you fold it in half when you eat it. They don’t deliver, though. You have to actually go out in public and interact with humans. Still, it’s worth it. Plus they have really good drink specials on Tuesdays!

The second contender for best pizza actually comes from a grocery store. It’s a fancy market in the rich part of town. I’m server-poor, but I go there because while everything in the aisles is expensive, the meat and produce are actually better priced than the larger grocery stores. Plus, they have a huge deli where they serve lunch, they smoke their own bacon, and they have an enormous pizza oven. This place also sells pizza by the slice, and they have more options to choose from. The toppings come straight from the produce section. Whole black olives and fresh red onions and green peppers. Cheese shredded in house. How can you go wrong?

The third is my standing favorite. It’s available on UberEats, and I ordered some tonight for dinner/tomorrow’s breakfast. (It’s the same pizza that I had delivered to the wrong address a while back, if you remember that. Lol.) This particular pie has a crust flavored with a mix of Italian and peppery spices, and I don’t know why but for some reason it tastes more like pizza tasted when I was a kid. I get giddy when it arrives. Usually I get really nervous waiting on the delivery driver because I always convince myself he snapped and has been on a killing spree all night, murdering his customers and eating one slice of their pizza, later to become known as the notorious One Slice Killer.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I don’t think it was ever meant to go anywhere. Like pineapple, which should never go on pizza. Ever. I don’t care. Block me.

I think I’ll just end with my favorite toppings and then never actually publish this post: pepperoni, green olives, mushrooms, onions, banana peppers, jalapenos, spinach, feta. Crushed red pepper sprinkled on top.

What are your favorite toppings?

With love,

Tory