You fall in love with the Harry Potter series when you’re young. You almost feel like you’re growing up at Hogwarts. You take the online sorting hat quiz, but you know which house you belong to and if the quiz gets it wrong you blow it off.
By the time you hit your teens or young adulthood, Harry Potter is coming to an end, but luckily Harry reappears in the form of Twilight‘s Edward Cullen. A special fella with magical powers, only now he’s sexy and sparkly and he wants to share a little teenage intimacy with you (despite actually being a creepy, manipulative, controlling old man). You fall head over heels and—unlike that spotlight-stealing Harry—Edward shows you that you’re the special one. So you marry him and have his vampire baby.
But the series ends, which basically means he dumps you, so you go one of two ways:
Either you decide you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no man but will settle for one you’re not attracted to in order to save others (The Hunger Games) or you find yourself a rich guy who will choke you (Fifty Shades of Grey).
In any case, you’re getting pretty jaded, so you now you decide to frame your spouse for murder (Gone Girl). Either he gets the death penalty or the whole ordeal inspires him to become the man you thought you married. Win/win situation if you ask me. This is basically you as Katniss resenting the fact that you had to settle for Peeta so now you want to ruin his life.
Oh, I see. Now you’re paranoid after all those lies and deceptions, so you go through the rest of the decade living through one psychological thriller after another. It’s not until 2020 that you settle down enough to live a quiet life of solving cold case murders.
So what’s next for you, darlin’? Are you going to be an anti-hero playing out revenge fantasies on evil men like you’re Quentin Tarantino with a purse gun in your Ipsy bag?
Or are you about to plunge into the depths of outright horror?
I guess we’ll find out in 2022.