How Game of Thrones Should Have Ended: The Light of the Seven

THIS IS my take on how Game of Thrones should have ended. I call it The Light of the Seven, and it could have been achieved in the same number of episodes allotted to the past two weak, pathetic, first-draft-sounding seasons. Enjoy.

We’re at the beginning of the big moment in what’s currently Season Eight, Episode Three, the events of which should be the final or penultimate episode: Theon has just slain dozens and dozens of white walkers and now stands guard over Bran alone as the Night King and his Wights approach, bringing along thousands of the dead to encircle the weirwood tree and ensure that no one can get through. The battle has ceased. All the dead enter the Godswood to surround Bran.

Let’s pause and back up for a second. A couple things:

1) Drogon and Rhaegal are dead, slain by Wights or by Viserion or both. When the Night King does his palms-up trick, he resurrects them along with all the newly killed. He now controls all three dragons. All hope is seemingly lost.

2) Because it’s surrounded by the roots of the weirwood tree, the crypts are safe from the Night King and his army, for Bran knew not to enter, having learned that he destroys the magic of weirwood trees if he touches them, having been touched by the Night King himself. All surviving characters except Bran and Theon have retreated to the crypts, which are safe so long as the Night King doesn’t touch the weirwood tree. (The dead Starks coming to life thing definitely doesn’t happen because those dusty skeletons are under the protection of the tree’s roots.)

3) Daenerys is pregnant with Jon’s child, a true Targaryen incest baby. Jon told her she shouldn’t trust some witch to tell her she can’t bear children, and the show seemed to emphasize that moment. Also, Jon and Dany are the only ones who can continue the Targaryen line in true, gross incest form.

4) Cercei has already been dealt with. She’s a Mad Queen and Jamie probably shanks her with the sword made for Jeoffrey out of the Valyrian steel from Ned Stark’s Ice. Poetic justice on several levels. It was foretold, after all, that her brother would kill her. She just always thought that meant Tyrion.

Now back to the finale: Thousands of the dead encircle the weirwood tree. The Night King is like, “Sup bro?” Theon is the only person who can possibly fight him.

Note: at this point, for all I care, most major characters are dead except Jon, Daenerys, Sansa, Tyrion, Gendry, Arya, Theon, and Bran. We also need Brienne, but forget about that for a moment. More can be alive, but they’re all in the crypt, cowering and helpless, waiting to be slaughtered if the Night King kills Bran and touches the weirwood tree. (Side note: the legend of the Ice Giant being kept sedated underground by the hotsprings of Winterfell would really give the Night King a fucking purpose, wouldn’t it, stupid showrunners? Seriously.)

Anway, here we are. The big moment.

When the Night King approaches, Bran wargs into seven people all at once. Seven characters who represent the Seven Gods of the Seven Kingdoms:

Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryen, The Father, who represents divine justice and judges the souls of the dead. He’s been chopping heads off like his Uncle Ned Stark for seasons and seasons now.

Daenerys Targaryen, The Mother, who represents mercy, peace, fertility, and childbirth. I mean she’s actually been referred to as Mother by tons of freed slaves.

Sansa Stark, The Maiden, who represents purity, innocence, love, and beauty. Come on. She’s the princess. She’s never even had consensual sex.

Tyrion Lannister, The Crone, who represents wisdom and foresight. “A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone, bro.”

Gendry Baratheon, The Smith, who represents creation and craftsmanship. I think he’s the only living blacksmith, so this is a given.

Arya Stark, The Stranger, who represents death and the unknown. A girl is no one.

Theon Greyjoy, The Warrior, who represents strength and courage. After the Bolton treatment, I’m pretty sure Theon is the strongest and most courageous person on the planet. I don’t even think he feels pain–much like the Night King.

Together these cumulative perspectives generate a godly insight and ability, and the power is manifested into action through The Warrior, Theon, who engages in an epic one-on-one sword battle with the Night King, both of whom simultaneously deliver a fatal blow. Together the Seven, telepathically linked by Bran, defeat the Night King, but Theon, the Warrior, is the sacrifice.

The Wights explode and the dead collapse and the new ruling elite has been established:

Bran is King. He is a Stark, the House that never wanted to rule, and thus the most fit for the job. He also just saved the whole world so he kinda has the best claim.

But instead of ruling, Bran chooses a council, comprised of the remaining six into whom he warged: all Stark family members paired with members of one of the last three Houses (Lannister, Baratheon, Targaryen) that did want the Iron Throne: Sansa and Tyrion Lannister, Arya and Gendry Baratheon, and Daenerys and Aegon (Jon Snow/Stark) Targaryen.

Together, Sansa and Tyrion govern the North, with Sansa as ruling Queen and Tyrion as King but playing an advisory role, since the Northmen would rather serve under a woman Stark than a dwarf Lannister.

Arya and Gendry take the Riverlands since Arya single-handedly destroyed House Frey and this would put them halfway between their respective homes. They both like to travel, as we’ve learned throughout the story.

Jon and Daenerys govern all Southern territories, giving Sam the Reach and installing a leader in Dorne. Hell, Jamie could take the Westerlands. Who cares? Maybe Arya shoots Gendry down and sends him to rule the Stormlands. And Robin Arryn is still sitting at the Vale wanting somebody to fly like a psycho. Does that cover everything?

Anyway, at the very end Jon and Daenerys sail to Dragonstone for their incest honeymoon and when they get there they discover that the workers who mined all that dragon glass to fight the Army of the Dead found a shitload of dragon eggs embedded in all that obsidian. Jon and Daenerys incest-bang and baby dragons hatch all over the place.

Final moment:

Bran is alone with Brienne. He brings up the fact that she swore an oath to serve Catelyn Stark’s children. She concurs. He tells her that in the moment Theon and the Night King delivered their mutual fatal blows, he released Jon, Daenerys, Sansa, Tyrion, Gendry, and Arya from the warg, because the fatal blow to Theon would have spread to all of them.

Bran, however, had to remain warged into Theon, and thus the Night King’s sword pierced Bran as well. When this happened, the Night King’s curse transferred to Bran.

Bran is now the Night King. The human part of him that remains delegated power over the Seven Kingdoms to those he trusts, but now the effect is taking hold.

The episode closes with Brienne, with the stature and strength of Hodor, carrying Bran off to the Far North.

Valar morghulis,

Tory

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